My Summer Vacation

Did you ever have to write one of these essays for school? I know I did. Growing up in Singapore meant that in the summer, almost everyone left to go to their home country for two and a half to three months before the next school year started. Writing these essays or papers was a good way to reflect on what we had done, and catch our classmates up on what had happened that summer.

Inevitably, these stories were filled with just the highlights: visiting grandparents, maybe going to a summer camp, fun vacations and adventures at the beach/lake/mountains, etc. We didn’t talk about what we learned, only what we did. And sometimes we ended up feeling sorry for ourselves because we didn’t have the amazing vacation that a classmate did, and we were left wondering why.

Well, here is my summer “break” recap. I put “break” in quotes because to me a break means ceasing from the ordinary for rest and recovery; or perhaps it’s a break from the usual schedule and a chance for travel, adventure, and something new to take place. Technically, I experienced all of these, but not it the order, or way I had wanted or expected. The past four months have been quite challenging. And I will confess that I did not handle them well emotionally or spiritually. But, when I felt so out of control, God showed Himself to be in control and sovereign. When I doubted, He was faithful.

The last time I really wrote anything was towards the end of April when I added to the Coaching Series with this post. No more than a week after that post went up, I found out I was pregnant again. For the last six months prior to this, I had been in agony every month, wondering if there was something wrong with me, and then April came, and I felt we would miss our time to conceive due to a trip I took to Georgia to visit my brother’s family and new niece. We had agreed that we wanted a 2016 baby, and it looked like that opportunity was gone.

Then, suddenly, it wasn’t. Initially I thought my due date would be in January, but after using several online due date calculators, I found that we could still potentially have a 2016 baby on December 30^th. This was later confirmed by my midwife at our first prenatal appointment. We laughed over that, and praised God for being faithful. We then decided that I would work through the summer with my bookkeeping job, and resign from it in August. I let my employers know and greatly anticipated the coming summer.

But shortly after, our summer of mishaps began. A much anticipated long weekend in Breckenridge had to be cut short because I was short of breath which can be dangerous for the baby, because if I am short of oxygen, so is the baby. A friend borrowed one of our cars and ended up backing into a dumpster and doing quite a bit of damage. Enter insurance ordeal number one (We found out that in Colorado the insurance policy follows the car, so we had to file under our insurance for the repairs). A hail storm dropped golf ball sized hail in our neighborhood, wiping out half the garden, and damaging the roof badly enough that it would need to be replaced. Insurance ordeal number two. The air conditioner broke and wasn’t working for 2 weeks as temperatures climbed into the high 90s. Then a driver crashed through our back fence and took out about 60 feet of our privacy fence. Insurance ordeal number three (not ours this time, hers, but still us dealing with it). My bookkeeping job was going fine, except that with my looming departure, there were several additional projects I was asked to complete which upped my hours significantly. The money was good, but with everything else going on, it just added to the stress and strain I was already feeling.

I felt helpless. My body felt as though it was failing me as I dealt with the first trimester yuckies, and then I fell into a bout of depression. I began to have weekly headaches that would last for 2-4 days, and I also had emotional melt downs a couple times a week. I stopped praying and stopped seeking God. It was easy to slide down this slippery slope. We were on summer break. Our schedules were changed for several months, and it was all too easy to isolate myself.

Even as I write this I feel ashamed of how I handled the mounting stress. My son was a trooper, and in hind sight, my one of my saving graces. His beautiful little smile and joy at the simple things in life gave me more relief than I realized. My husband took over dealing with all the insurance claims and repairs. He often had to resort to what he calls “jerk mode” to get it all sorted out, but he did it. I had to live through it, but he fought the battles. Without these two, I really would have been lost. God had given me what I needed to deal with the stresses of the summer, but for a long time, I couldn’t see it.

It wasn’t until the end of July that I started to come out of my funk. I began feeling better as I entered the second trimester (around week 15 though – not week 12 as all the online baby info claims). The car, air coditioner, and roof were fixed. We finally got the insurance pay out for our fence, and it was more than we hoped to get. This meant we would be able to rebuild the fence, paint it, pay the deductible on the roof insurance claim, and pay off some debt. The summer’s craziness hadn’t put us into deeper debt, it helped us get out. I felt as though God was saying to me, “See, I can take care of you. I am watching out for you.”

 And then my garden went wild. The tomatoes and summer squash and winter squash took a long time to recover, but then, one day, they all decided to just start growing like crazy. I haven’t ever had summer squash plants that could support more than one growing veggie at a time, and suddenly the three little seedlings that survived were growing multiple large vegetables all at once. Before I knew it I had eight summer squash in the refrigerator and several more on the vines that would need to be harvested soon. My winter squash plants took off and I have several huge squash that are turning orange just in time for fall. When my garden was pummeled by the hail I told God I wasn’t going to replant, and would just live with the little we had. But he took my little and made it a lot.

Finally, in mid-August, after several stressful weeks, I wrapped up my bookkeeping job, and was able to truly thank God for getting me through this most unexpected summer. I had the time to sit and think about what had happened, and, I have to honestly tell you that I feel really foolish about how I handled everything. I took my eyes off God and freaked out, but He didn’t take His eyes off me. I doubted we would survive the summer and that things would get better, but He faithfully worked things out for our good and benefit.

There is a picture in my favorite Tea Shop that has a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: “A woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” This summer taught me that God will often do the same to us. He will test the strength of our faith with trials and mishaps and plans gone awry. He will give us opportunities to build our trust and faith in Him. My failure to live into my faith and depend on God this summer revealed that there are weaknesses in my faith. But it also gave me the opportunity to learn about God and myself, and to strengthen those places that are weak.

 And now, as I stand at the end of a summer I never want to repeat, I find that I also don’t want to forget how God took care of me, of us, and restored us to a better place than we were in before – not just materially, but spiritually too. I want to remember that even when we are faced with circumstances that are beyond our control, He is faithful and more than enough to sustain us and bring us through it, no matter how long it lasts.

I am happy to be writing again, and look forward to sharing more of God’s love with you all here!