The Exceeding Sinfulness of Sin

In the book The Valley Of Vision there is a Puritan poem that ends with this stanza:

“Grant me never to lose sight of

            The exceeding sinfulness of sin,

            The exceeding righteousness of salvation

            The exceeding glory of Christ

            The exceeding beauty of holiness

            The exceeding wonder of grace” (The Valley of Vision, 76)

I was rereading this stanza today from my notes and realized that as of late, I have focused far too much on the exceeding sinfulness of sin, and not enough on the exceeding righteousness of salvation, glory of Christ, beauty of holiness, and wonder of grace. Losing sight of the latter four items has only led me deeper into despair. I am a sinner, I am imperfect, and I feel terrible about it.

David felt similarly in Psalm 42:

As the deer pants for streams of water,
    so my soul pants for you, my God.
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
    When can I go and meet with God?
³ My tears have been my food
    day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”
⁴ These things I remember
    as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
    under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
    among the festive throng.

⁵ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

⁶ My soul is downcast within me;
    therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
    the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
⁷ Deep calls to deep
    in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
    have swept over me.

⁸ By day the Lord directs his love,
    at night his song is with me—
    a prayer to the God of my life.

⁹ I say to God my Rock,
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
    oppressed by the enemy?”
¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
    as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”

¹¹ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

“Where is your God?” That’s how I feel. Where is God to reassure me of His love for me, to tell me that he loved me enough to die for me, to save me for eternity? Where is God to wrap me in His arms and tell me that He is in control and things will get better because He is sanctifying me? Where is God to reassure me that I can do all things through Him, even face my sin and grow out of it?

God is omniscient. That means He is everywhere, He is with me as I type this post, as I lose my temper, and as I wallow in guilt and shame over my sin. God is the God who sees me, who knows me, and who is refining me. Honestly, what I want is to be babied. But the mark of a mature Christian is one who sees their sin, confesses it, repents of it, grows from it, and yet all the while keeps their focus on Christ’s glory, sacrifice, and grace. Because, you see, in my despair I believed the lie that it is all about me, and that my mistakes are catastrophic and will be the downfall of not just myself, but of others as well. When I take my eyes of Christ I see a hopeless world where I will never be right and great because I am fallen and sinful.

But when I turn to Christ, when I hope in God—as David did—I see a world full of possibilities, promise, and good because God is in control and it is His world, not mine. Focusing on my sin, and not on Christ’s sacrifice for it, and the glory of his sacrifice, and the grace it awarded me is selfish. Focusing on Christ, and the fact that He has given me lots and lots of chances to get it right, gives me hope. It allows me to look past myself and see what God is doing in His world with His people to bring about His purposes.

Of course a lot of this is easier said than done. I still feel bad about my sin and am working through the process of forgiving myself because I believe God has forgiven me. But even feeling bad means I am still self-focused, rather than God-focused. It takes practice to realize God is bigger than us, better than us, and is able to make good things come from our sin. I have to focus on the truths that I know about God if I am to fade to the background: God is my Savior, my Redeemer, my Counselor, and my Strength. If God is for me, who can accuse me? My identity is found in God, therefore the opinions of others don’t matter because the One who created me is the One who defines me and determines my worth. God still loves me, because he chose me and adopted me because He is love, not because I was perfect or had great skills. When I roll out of bed in the morning, God loves me as I am, what I do to make myself “presentable” and “pretty” is for other people. Amen and Amen.