Psalm 139: 13-18

I confess, I have been completely absent for the last month on purpose. Things have changed in my life and that change took some adjustment and getting used to. And I am still getting used to it. You see, I’m pregnant, and very out of control as far as my body and its needs are concerned. My usual diet and exercise no longer work for creating a person, and many days I just feel unwell and there’s nothing I can do about it except maybe eat something more. It’s overwhelming, and tiring.

But it’s also amazing. My husband and I went to our 8 week checkup and saw our baby for the first time. Even at 8 weeks, it has hands and feet, the heartbeat came through clearly, and it does move around. Wow. Websites such as babycenter.com do a great job keeping me informed on the exact developments the baby is going through, but all I can think of is Psalms 13-18:

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

I used to read these verses and be comforted by the fact that whenever I was sick or ill or broken and sore, God was still in control because He created me, and knew exactly how my body was functioning. But now, I read these verses and I see the miracle taking place inside of me. God is patiently knitting together and creating my baby, day by day, and week by week. This process is the physical manifestation of a life that has already been created and determined by God long ago. I can only imagine the joy God must feel when it is finally this person’s turn to be physically created and born.

During the first few weeks of knowing I was pregnant I felt a lot of fear about miscarrying. These verses have brought be comfort to know that no matter what happens with this child, it is all in God’s plan, because it is God’s child that I am privileged to bring into existence. There are also a lot of books and advice out there about what to eat, how much protein, iron, Omega 3s, calcium and folate acid a woman needs to ensure a healthy pregnancy and baby. I felt a lot of misgivings over this because for a several days nothing sounded even remotely good other than white bread and pretzels. All those magazines will say to eat Spinach, complex carbohydrates, and more protein than a family would in a day, and all I would feel was ashamed that I couldn’t meet these standards. These verses speak to that to. God is in control of my baby’s development, and God will be in control of my child’s development and growth all the days of their life. Now I do have responsibilities to this child, but my responsibilities and parenting needs to be grounded in a faith that believes that God is truly sovereign and that drinking gallons and gallons of chocolate milk are part of His plan for His child’s life. The chocolate milk was written down in His book as the days ordained for me and for this new life.

So often we let others make us feel ashamed about what we are eating, drinking, thinking, and doing. The only one that can do that is God because He is our judge and our Savior. This means that when we feel ashamed we need to think and pray on why that is. Is it because we have truly sinned and need to repent, or because we allowed others to define us and find us wanting? Even though we don’t always get it right, God still thinks well of us because we are His creation, and we are covered by the blood of the lamb. No magazine, person, or book should cause us to question our worthiness of a calling God has clearly set upon us. We walk in His strength and depend on Him to lead us through each day. And right now, it is definitely day by day.